Right Before Your Eyes

"What is for sure is I'm gonna to go
I'm gonna to live and I'm going to learn"

They say that self-knowledge is the key to enlightenment. And there's nothing like a major life change for pushing you to answer the questions 'Who am I?' and 'What do I want?'. Imminent unemployment has pushed my coworkers and I to answer these questions in concrete terms.

It's fascinating to watch the process of self-discovery unfold. And for all the power that self-knowledge puts at your disposal, it's amazing how little of it some people have. Which leads me to a few questions - Do other people always know your better than you know yourself? Are we built to hide certain truths from ourselves about who we are, in favor of certain ideals that we've been programmed to believe in? If so, how well can the process of self-discovery take place in isolation?

I'm continuing to struggle with being honest about who I am and what I want. I've always thought - and to a certain extent still do think - that there were certain things I had to do, and certain things that it was better to be. In the past, I've had a hard time identifying what I really wanted to do because I couldn't ignore what I thought I had to do. If I'm willing to take the trouble to carefully identify what I believe, shouldn't I be as honest as possible in identifying what I believe about myself too?

Who am I?

• INTJ - The Mastermind. (I can hear your laughter.) "Although they are highly capable leaders, Masterminds are not at all eager to take command, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead. Once they take charge, however, they are thoroughgoing pragmatists...." "Masterminds do not feel bound by established rules and procedures, and traditional authority does not impress them, nor do slogans or catchwords. Only ideas that make sense to them are adopted; those that don't, aren't, no matter who thought of them. Remember, their aim is always maximum efficiency." "Problem-solving is highly stimulating to Masterminds, who love responding to tangled systems that require careful sorting out. Ordinarily, they verbalize the positive and avoid comments of a negative nature; they are more interested in moving an organization forward than dwelling on mistakes of the past." [Disclosure: The 'I' and the 'N' are solid; the 'T' and the 'J' are closer to the middle of the spectrum.]
• I thrive on challenge, but I refuse to have the same fight over and over again.
• I enjoy being creative. I especially enjoy being creative in response to challenge.

What do I want?

This is where things get more difficult. I've never had a clear goal about where I wanted to end up in life. Do I want to be a published writer/public speaker? Do I want to spend my days blissfully solving problems in an ivory tower somewhere? Or do I want to be on the front lines, taking on important issues and making a difference in real-time?

For eight years I thought that there was something that I had to say. In the process of saying it, I was surprised to discover that there was something else that I wanted to say. Over the last year or two, I've become less attached to the idea that I had to be a scientist, and more comfortable with the idea that I could do something equally important by establishing groundbreaking precedents and arguments in the field of cognitive liberty.

I'm still in the process of gathering information. (Thanks to B and M for independently pushing 'leadership'!) In terms of practical moves, I'm looking at what it takes to get an agent and/or a publishing deal for The Book. (The good news is that I have a good start on having a marketable 'platform'.) I'm also looking at gaining some experience in a legal environment to see if I have what it takes to be a lawyer. (I'm guessing it's more than just an exceptional ability to formulate razor-sharp arguments. ;)

And no worries - this blog will resume its regular schedule of philosophical musings.